secrets_n_lies

out of this whole thing, out of the several times you have edited your most recent public LJ post, removed and changed details, plead your case from every angle, tried to reel me and others back in by insisting that we contact the authorities to find out the truth - two things stand out very clear to me.

the first.  not once in those many edits have you said that you are planning on getting help.  you have not made any mention of this fact.  you do not seem to be planning on having any ongoing mental health plan in your life or seeing anyone about this.  this, to me, speaks volumes.

the second - well, i will simply cut and paste my own words;

as for the "truth" and versions of it - i dont care any more. i dont care what the truth is, but you should care that many people didnt believe you. haze, when you cry wolf for so long, it really hampers anyone's abilities to trust you, especially after you had backed up the details of what the nurse said about the circumstances behind your arrival. but what exactly happened and how you got there doesn't matter any more. the only thing that matters is that you do the right thing by yourself and get the help you need. it is not good enough for you to say that you're looking at the world with new eyes now. unless you get proper ongoing psychiactric help for this and the issues you have which led up to this, then i will never respect you and never believe that you ever wanted to get better.

this is it.  it continues to hurt me severely when you say things like the pepoe who have stood up to you in all of this are not really your friends.  in my opinion, these peoeple are some of the best friends you ever had, and it is very sad that so many people do not want to take any part in your life now, but sorry hun, that is all your own doing.

like i also said, i do not HATE you, so please stop saying it.  hate is reserved for those who deserve it, and you do not have my hate, only my pity.  but having my pity does not mean that i am going to be one of the ones to coddle you through this or act all impressed when you go showing your drip scars all around town or go to a nightclub the night after getting out of hospital.  to be honest hayley, i am utterly unimpressed at the amount of attention you are still trying to milk from this.  you've got people's attention, so use it to show them that you are SERIOUS about getting the help you need and sorting out your life, otherwise if you ever try something like this again...  well, i think you know deep down what you can expect.

i hope that one day we might be on terms where we can speak to each other again and perhaps socialise.  but from my end, it will be a very long time coming for me before i will feel comfortable with that.  as i have already re-iterated, i do not hate you and wish you all the best.  it's your choice as to which road you take from here on in...