Monsieur_LeBehemoth (![[info]](http://p-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small} mrbehemoth) wrote,@ 2008-04-27 01:50:00 |
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Are You A Chandler Or A Phoebe?
WHAT KIND OF PERSON ARE YOU? TAKE THIS QUICK QUIZ
1. What is the best feeling in the world?
a) Waking up and realising that you don't have to get up for another two hours
b) Putting your penis in a bear-trap
c) Listening to Mozart
d) Punching black people
2. What is the most important quality in a life-partner?
a) Strong thighs and calves
b) Kindness
c) A direct ancestral link to eighth-century Russian tyrants
d) The ability to transform into a leopard
3. How many times a day do you drink to excess?
a) Well over seventy
b) Between sixty-five and seventy
c) Even further over seventy
d) A billion
4. Who is your favourite movie star?
a) John Wayne
b) Nicole Kidman
c) Sandra Bullock, but only in The Net, otherwise I hate her
d) Jonathan Lipnicki
5. What song best sums up your life?
a) I Feel Fine by the Beatles
b) Cocksucker Blues by the Rolling Stones
c) Son of a Preacher Man by Dusty Springfield
d) Most People Find Me Quite Creepy Because of the Inappropriate Things I Say to Those I've Just Met, and Also I Have a Nasty Rash Completely Covering My Face, by Westlife
6. What would you do with a million dollars?
a) Buy a space shuttle
b) Pay nuns to kiss each other
c) Build a house inside a volcano
d) Put my penis in a bear-trap
7. What colour is your hair?
a) I don't know, I've never looked
b) Black, but not literally
c) Sort of blonde, but with mice in it
d) Pizza-coloured
8. How often do you masturbate?
a) Every time I read a questionnaire
b) Every seven seconds
c) Every two hundred years
d) Only to coincide with the opening weekend of each new John C. Reilly film
9. The most important element of great sex is:
a) For both partners to have legs
b) A big Chinese man with a whip
c) Punching black people
d) Nazi porn
10. I would describe myself as:
a) An intractable racist
b) A racist who is trying to change his or her ways
c) A gender-confused rhinoceros
d) A rare form of pleurisy
CALCULATE YOUR SCORE:
If you answered mostly As, you are a dangerously unbalanced homicidal paedophile, and should immediately commit yourself to a mental institution and ask them to keep you under heavy sedation for the rest of your life.
If you answered mostly Bs, you are Barack Obama. Congratulations on your recent political success.
If you answered mostly Cs, you should buy a T-shirt reading "C for Crrrrrazy!" and open a juice bar. Then your mother may love you again.
If you answered mostly Ds, you are sterile due to prolonged exposure to radiation, and will never know the joy of fatherhood. Suicide is a very viable option here.
WHAT KIND OF PERSON ARE YOU? TAKE THIS QUICK QUIZ
1. What is the best feeling in the world?
a) Waking up and realising that you don't have to get up for another two hours
b) Putting your penis in a bear-trap
c) Listening to Mozart
d) Punching black people
2. What is the most important quality in a life-partner?
a) Strong thighs and calves
b) Kindness
c) A direct ancestral link to eighth-century Russian tyrants
d) The ability to transform into a leopard
3. How many times a day do you drink to excess?
a) Well over seventy
b) Between sixty-five and seventy
c) Even further over seventy
d) A billion
4. Who is your favourite movie star?
a) John Wayne
b) Nicole Kidman
c) Sandra Bullock, but only in The Net, otherwise I hate her
d) Jonathan Lipnicki
5. What song best sums up your life?
a) I Feel Fine by the Beatles
b) Cocksucker Blues by the Rolling Stones
c) Son of a Preacher Man by Dusty Springfield
d) Most People Find Me Quite Creepy Because of the Inappropriate Things I Say to Those I've Just Met, and Also I Have a Nasty Rash Completely Covering My Face, by Westlife
6. What would you do with a million dollars?
a) Buy a space shuttle
b) Pay nuns to kiss each other
c) Build a house inside a volcano
d) Put my penis in a bear-trap
7. What colour is your hair?
a) I don't know, I've never looked
b) Black, but not literally
c) Sort of blonde, but with mice in it
d) Pizza-coloured
8. How often do you masturbate?
a) Every time I read a questionnaire
b) Every seven seconds
c) Every two hundred years
d) Only to coincide with the opening weekend of each new John C. Reilly film
9. The most important element of great sex is:
a) For both partners to have legs
b) A big Chinese man with a whip
c) Punching black people
d) Nazi porn
10. I would describe myself as:
a) An intractable racist
b) A racist who is trying to change his or her ways
c) A gender-confused rhinoceros
d) A rare form of pleurisy
CALCULATE YOUR SCORE:
If you answered mostly As, you are a dangerously unbalanced homicidal paedophile, and should immediately commit yourself to a mental institution and ask them to keep you under heavy sedation for the rest of your life.
If you answered mostly Bs, you are Barack Obama. Congratulations on your recent political success.
If you answered mostly Cs, you should buy a T-shirt reading "C for Crrrrrazy!" and open a juice bar. Then your mother may love you again.
If you answered mostly Ds, you are sterile due to prolonged exposure to radiation, and will never know the joy of fatherhood. Suicide is a very viable option here.
