Monsieur_LeBehemoth (![[info]](http://p-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small} mrbehemoth) wrote,@ 2008-04-22 23:30:00 |
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ON BOOKSHELVES THIS MONTH
At a loose end? Devoid of joy in your life? Lonely and unloved? Perhaps you can distract yourself from your imminent death with WHAT'S NEW:
BOOKS
HARVEY & HARVEY - A pictorial essay featuring over 7000 colour photographs, instructing casual readers and aficionados alike on how to tell the difference between Harvey Weinstein and Harvey Fierstein. "A gripping read", according to The New Yorker.
THE BENFICA CONJUGATION - Dan Brown's latest once again follows the adventures of rugged symbologist Robert Langdon, who must decipher a series of clues left in the form of intricately-knotted licorice whips scattered throughout the snows of the Himalayas by a mysterious order of cleft-palated nuns. Along the way he uncovers a startling truth about the history of the Pony Express that threatens to destabilise the NATO alliance and destroy the fabric of spacetime, while falling in love with a beautiful yet aloof Spanish zoologist whose third-grade handwriting homework may contain the key to the whole mystery. This is the first Dan Brown novel to be written entirely in rhyming haiku.
NIGELLA LAWSON'S BIG BOOK OF TITS - For the first time, see domestic goddess Nigella Lawson's fifty favourite recipes, on pieces of paper which she holds up for the camera in a series of explicitly pornographic poses.
GORDON RAMSAY'S BIG BOOK OF FUCKWITS - Gordon Ramsay tells the tales of his fifty favourite fuckwits, and how he punched their stupid fucking faces in.
JAMIE OLIVER'S BIG BOOK OF TWATS - Jamie Oliver searches for someone who's a bigger twat than him. He fails, but has lots of fun along the way and makes some horrible things out of lettuce.
WINTER IN CLONBINANE - An award-winning tale of loss and redemption set in the sweeping majesty of the Australian outback. Shearer's prostitute Nance discovers the diaries of Ned Kelly hidden inside an angry sheep, and reading them sends her on a strange voyage wherein she discovers her innate sexuality, gets addicted to heroin and learns about the rich culture of the Australian Aborigine. A powerful rumination on the meaning of hope and the seductive sexual power of the merino.
SKANK YOUR WAY TO HAPPINESS - Acclaimed radio sexpert Vanessa Magwitch reveals the secret to landing yourself a man by being incredibly obnoxious and poorly-groomed. Essential reading for every woman who is desperate to find love, but has no desire to be in any way pleasant while doing so.
SNARLY WICKSFORD AND THE CATACOMBS OF TEPPLEWHITE - Having sold over two billion copies around the world, this is the latest children's fantasy sensation, the first volume in the adventures of Snarly Wicksford, an eccentric Welsh schoolboy who is visited one night by a sexually ambiguous gnome who informs him that he is the Lost King of Tepplewhite. Travelling to the magical land through a portal in his underpants, Snarly discovers a delightful world of cheery talking animals and dashing submariners, as well as the pleasures of the flesh. He must also find an enchanted necklace in order to save the kingdom from the wicked Princess Ardleemop, but to be honest he's not in too much of a hurry.
At a loose end? Devoid of joy in your life? Lonely and unloved? Perhaps you can distract yourself from your imminent death with WHAT'S NEW:
BOOKS
HARVEY & HARVEY - A pictorial essay featuring over 7000 colour photographs, instructing casual readers and aficionados alike on how to tell the difference between Harvey Weinstein and Harvey Fierstein. "A gripping read", according to The New Yorker.
THE BENFICA CONJUGATION - Dan Brown's latest once again follows the adventures of rugged symbologist Robert Langdon, who must decipher a series of clues left in the form of intricately-knotted licorice whips scattered throughout the snows of the Himalayas by a mysterious order of cleft-palated nuns. Along the way he uncovers a startling truth about the history of the Pony Express that threatens to destabilise the NATO alliance and destroy the fabric of spacetime, while falling in love with a beautiful yet aloof Spanish zoologist whose third-grade handwriting homework may contain the key to the whole mystery. This is the first Dan Brown novel to be written entirely in rhyming haiku.
NIGELLA LAWSON'S BIG BOOK OF TITS - For the first time, see domestic goddess Nigella Lawson's fifty favourite recipes, on pieces of paper which she holds up for the camera in a series of explicitly pornographic poses.
GORDON RAMSAY'S BIG BOOK OF FUCKWITS - Gordon Ramsay tells the tales of his fifty favourite fuckwits, and how he punched their stupid fucking faces in.
JAMIE OLIVER'S BIG BOOK OF TWATS - Jamie Oliver searches for someone who's a bigger twat than him. He fails, but has lots of fun along the way and makes some horrible things out of lettuce.
WINTER IN CLONBINANE - An award-winning tale of loss and redemption set in the sweeping majesty of the Australian outback. Shearer's prostitute Nance discovers the diaries of Ned Kelly hidden inside an angry sheep, and reading them sends her on a strange voyage wherein she discovers her innate sexuality, gets addicted to heroin and learns about the rich culture of the Australian Aborigine. A powerful rumination on the meaning of hope and the seductive sexual power of the merino.
SKANK YOUR WAY TO HAPPINESS - Acclaimed radio sexpert Vanessa Magwitch reveals the secret to landing yourself a man by being incredibly obnoxious and poorly-groomed. Essential reading for every woman who is desperate to find love, but has no desire to be in any way pleasant while doing so.
SNARLY WICKSFORD AND THE CATACOMBS OF TEPPLEWHITE - Having sold over two billion copies around the world, this is the latest children's fantasy sensation, the first volume in the adventures of Snarly Wicksford, an eccentric Welsh schoolboy who is visited one night by a sexually ambiguous gnome who informs him that he is the Lost King of Tepplewhite. Travelling to the magical land through a portal in his underpants, Snarly discovers a delightful world of cheery talking animals and dashing submariners, as well as the pleasures of the flesh. He must also find an enchanted necklace in order to save the kingdom from the wicked Princess Ardleemop, but to be honest he's not in too much of a hurry.
